“Never go in search of love. Go in search of life, and love will find you the love you seek.”
I am a recovering chaser of love. There. I said it out loud. For an entire life, I forwent my natural feminine energetic birthright to attract love in, opting instead to pursue, pursue, pursue. “Just in case” they’d forgotten about me, I’d chase. Check in. Try so hard to be in the right place at the right time. Twist + turn to make a connection feel right. Usually with the people who were the MOST unavailable.
For a long time I felt uncomfortable with being single in my 30’s; I thought I would have found my person already + truthfully thought I HAD found my person, twice. Then went through the gutwrenching realization / acceptance that I was wrong. TWICE. Oh, my heart.
To nurse + “prevent” that heartache, I would treat love + partnership like I treat every other area of my life:
+ see it
+ want it
+ create it
It’s a POWERFUL skill in most areas of life: I’m driven, capable, + know how to get what I want through visualizing, doing the research, making an action plan, creating the result. Works like an actual charm.
But baby, I learned this year that love just doesn’t work like that. You can’t force it, rush it, beg for it (ouch), or create it where it doesn’t exist. It still hurts a little to write that, but it’s true.
You can’t force someone to love you – um, NOR SHOULD YOU FEEL like you HAVE to. You are divine + delish; if someone doesn’t recognize that, then it is NOT a match. No hard feelings, it just isn’t the right combination. We don’t get upset that oil + water don’t mix, we just accept it. EVEN IF oil has kind eyes, a killer sense of humour, the perfect balance of understated confidence + oh gawd, plays guitar; some things can’t be forced into a reaction on a timeline.
“Finding love” is really the process of finding your truest, most wonderfully weird, authentic, beautiful self + allowing life to guide someone on the same wavelength of wonder + love your way.