“Not everyone has to like you.” It’s a pretty basic platitude – and life lesson – that has taken some of us (cough, me) a long time to learn. It’s easy enough to say those words, but what those words are really saying? “Hey – guess what? There’s going to be a whole bunch of people in life that just don’t like you. Period.” Which, for all of us recovering people pleasers out there, kinda sucks.
It sucks to think that no matter how well-intentioned you are, how genuinely you show up, how accommodating of other people’s needs you are, for some, it just won’t be enough. In fact for a few, it will NEVER be enough. See above note re: sucking, especially when your defense mechanism is just to do whatever it takes to keep the peace.
Spoiler: this is what it is. It’s almost freeing to know that for some, you will remain a constant source of disdain and stress, no matter what, even when you are your most authentic self. Real talk? Likely it’s BECAUSE you are your most authentic self. And still, this is ABSOLUTELY FINE, because by standing in your truth, and living your own life, you will piss some people off. You will frighten others who choose not to find the courage to JUST BE themselves. You will disappoint a handful of others when you draw your line in the sand that says “dude. Enough. I’m not okay with this anymore, and am choosing something different .”
Healthy, loving boundaries are a beautiful thing, and establishing them is a REALLY GOOD THING to do. Know that in learning to do so, you also learn how to feel comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. And then do it anyway.
You have to do what feels right for you. You have to live the life that feels like your own. You have to make choices that honor that path, and you have to be very aware that you might lose some of the people you thought were going with you on that path. Honor yourself, have compassion for where they are at, and keep going.